Modernist Rewrite of the Poem when we Parted
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Part 2
In the poem when we parted, the message is passed in a highly autobiographical manner. It recounts the poet’s emotional state following his separation with a woman and the subsequent frustration at her union with the Duke. Had the audience not known this, this poem would be extremely vague, since the poem does not provide any clue regarding the setting nor the sex of the lover or the beloved. The principal style in the poem is imagery. Coldness, as an image carries over from the last part of stanza 1 into the beginning stanza 2. The statement about chilly dew on the brow of the poet suggests emotional detachment, while also calling to attention the cool sweat from which a person may wake following a harrowing nightmare. The world into which the poet awakens is still desolate just like the one he left the previous night. His attention is turned to his beloved’s infidelity. ‘Vows are all broken’ implies the two had made promises to each other, and is yet another figure of speech. The emphasis on the use of stylistic techniques like repetition, rhyme, and meter, as well as the aesthetics of language have been used extensively and distinguishes the poem from romantic prose. The heavy use of word association and imagery quickly conveys the intended emotions. The language used in the poem intentionally echoes Elizabethan English, to be found in the works of Shakespeare. The poets use an elevated diction, which significantly deviates from Standard English. The words reflect the writing of that time, with words being chosen for the supposedly inherent poetic qualities they possess. The principal theme is loss, with verse 1 suggesting that even after the separation the persona still regrets 'foretold sorrow to this.' The line ‘light is thy fame' suggests the woman broke the relationship and became fickle, but the persona was grief stricken. He says he was 'half broken-hearted' he regrets their affair was not as special as he thought after all. The poem portrays a feeling of loss, but the impression created is that their affair was not that intimate. For instance, in verse 3, the poet questions himself whether he really loved his partner when he quips, 'why wert thou so dear?’ (Gordon & Byron, 1962).
Part 3
When we separated
You were tearfully silent and so was I,
Half broken-hearted
To remain so for years,
Palor came over your cheek and cold,
And a kiss you afforded for me even colder;
A real foreshadow it was
A foreshadow of the sorrow currently in my heart.
My brow as cold as a morgue cooler
I kissed again
The coolness sounded a warning siren
Of what am feeling now.
Our marriage vows are all broken,
And you delight in light:
The mention of your name,
Brings nothing to both of us but shame.
Cronies often mention your name in my presence,
That frequent mention is merely a solemn bell to my ears
I may shake at times-
What is this I loved so much about you?
But they have no idea you were known to me,
That I knew you so closely:
I will rue you for years to come,
I lack words to describe this.
On facebook, I poke you and chat you-
All this time I secretly grieve,
That you could forget,
Your spirit lies to you.
If I should bump on you
After all this time,
How should I say hi?
Tearfully and silently.
Part 4
I find the word ‘part’ extremely casual, and my first modification of the original poem is to substitute this term for ‘separate.’ In the modern age, when people form relationships casually, no one would develop the sorrow depicted in the poem, in such a relationship. I consider a serious union namely courtship, in my modernist rewrite. With this relationship, I have been forced to change the mood, language, and the figures of speech in the rewrite. For instance, in stanza 1, I talked about the persona comparing the kiss he has received this time with those that they used to exchange when they were in a relationship. The one they exchange now is quite cold. Then I have drawn a distinct line between the persona and poet by writing in different voices and from multiple perspectives.
Notably, I have also used Standard English throughout my rewrite. I have substituted words typically found in Elizabethan English such as ‘thee’ and ‘thy’ with the modern equivalents ‘you’ and ‘yours.’ In the last stanza, I have introduced the concept of social media. It is through social networking sites like twitter and facebook that people frequently interact nowadays. The words ‘poke’ and ‘chat’ are social networking jargons used to refer to a variety levels of communication on facebook, with chat implying a deeper level. Rather than meet physically, as depicted in the original poem, I have decided that my rewrite depicts an interaction over the social media. Overall, my aim was to show the great sense of loss and grief the persona has over the separation with his fiancé.