Communication Styles
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Communication Styles
Introduction
The topic of choice in this paper is communication styles. The film chosen for the creation of relationships is “Love Actually” while the film chosen for the breaking of relationships is “The War of the Roses”. These two films were chosen for various reasons. “Love actually” is an amalgamation of ten different stories and it portrays love as experienced by different persons. This film was selected due to its mish-mash of several love stories, which portray the different communication styles and their effects on relationships. The stories bring out varied perspectives that address the point of communication styles in the creation of relationships hence the suitability of this film.
“The War of the Roses” was chosen in breaking of relationships due to its uncanny ability to bring out the theme of communication styles and poor communication can break a relationship and lead to fatal consequences. It was also chosen because it is an engaging film laced with humor and a compelling storyline, which is narrated.
Topic Outline
Communication is very important in a relationship. It can either break up a marriage or make it and sustain it. The glue holds couples together. Partners in a relationship can communicate with each other through various ways. Communication can be either verbal or non-verbal. Verbal communication in a relationship involves couples voicing their concerns verbally to each other through word of mouth. Non-verbal communication involves couples engaging each other through writing, actions, symbols, gestures, or facial expressions. Non-verbal communication through actions involves the expression of emotions such as love or dismay through sexually intimate actions such as kissing or petting or using facial contortions, gestures, and hands respectively. Non-verbal communication is where partners do not voice their concerns verbally but use symbols to pass on the message to their partners. This can occur due to fear about the reaction of the other party, despising the other partner, and or past experience that their partner is not attentive to their concerns. Communication can be either direct or indirect. In direct communication, couples engage on a one-on-one basis while in indirect communication couples engage each other through proxies, intermediaries, or third parties. Indirect communication can be done through children, friends, or relatives. Couples can also communicate through non-communication for instance in nil-by-mouth treatment where a partner who feels wronged may refuse to talk to the partner as a means of protest.
This paper looks at the different communication styles used by couples and explores how these styles affect relationships during the creation and breakage of relationships. Examples from the two movies “Love Actually” and “The War of the Roses” are quoted to reinforce arguments.
Examples from the Film That Illustrate How the Topic Is Operationalized
The film “Love Actually” successfully brings out the different communication styles that are used during the creation of relationships. While nearly all the characters use verbal communication, the use of non-verbal communication is also effective in many instances. Sarah and Michael, Colin and his admirers, John and Judy, and later Jamie and Aurelia all use verbal communication to strengthen their budding relationships. The Christmas card from Natalie to David exemplifies non-verbal communication, word cards from Mark to Juliet, video taken by Mark of Juliet, Jamie and Aurelia when they could not understand each other’s language, and the backstage kiss between Natalie and David. All these helped to create strong relationships. Non-verbal communication is also seen through actions such as the expensive necklace from Harry to Miaand Sam’s decision to learn the drums so that he could make an impression on Joanna (Curtis, 2003).
The importance of communication in nurturing a relationship also comes out clearly and typified by numerous examples throughout the movie. The first observation from the film is that communication is the glue that makes a relationship stronger. For instance, the relationship between Jamie and Aurelia in “Love Actually” became stronger because of communication. When Jamie met Aurelia, Jamie could not speak Portuguese while Aurelia could only speak Portuguese but not English. Despite this handicap, they use non-verbal communication to bolster their friendship during its infancy. Later on, Jamie learns Portuguese while Aurelia learns English. This marks the turning point of their relationship as they can now communicate more effectively with each other (Curtis, 2003).
This story illustrates the point that communication is the glue that makes a relationship stronger. It also suggests that people who speak the same language tend to have stronger relationships as they can understand each other better. Another example is that of Toni’s Basildon accent which helps him win the love of several women in Britain after several failures in wooing women in America (Curtis, 2003). This not only shows that communication is an effective tool in creating relationships but that its effectiveness can be situational. Situational effectiveness of communication means that a communication type that may be effective in one region or context may not be effective in another region or context.
The second point, which is related to the first, is that lack of communication will kill a relationship. This point is strongly brought home by the story of Juliet, Peter, and Mark in “Love Actually”. Mark had a crush on Juliet but he never communicated his feelings to her. Due to Mark’s non-communication of his feelings to Juliet, she never knew what Mark’s feelings towards her were until after she gets married to Peter. By then it is too late and what may have turned out to be a relationship between Mark and Juliet is gone forever because of Mark’s inability to communicate his feelings. Peter, who was more open about his feelings to Juliet, is the one who gets married to her. The moral of the story is that relationships cannot be built if there is no communication. Another example that illustrates this point is the relationship between Karl and Sarah, which is killed by the phone call that Sarah receives from her brother Michael who is mentally unstable. Yet another example is when Dan rushes to the airport to communicate his feelings to the departing Joanna and this is what eventually brings them together (Curtis, 2003).
The third point is that open communication sustains a relationship. An open communication involves honesty and forthrightness where each of the partners deals with the other partner truthfully. Even though Harry makes a mistake by buying her new secretary an expensive necklace, he admits his mistake once his wife discovers this and they make up (Curtis, 2003). They remain together in love and this confirms the importance of partners engaging with candor and openness while communicating with each other.
There are several pointers on communication styles that the film “The War of the Roses” illustrates. The love note from Oliver to Barbara, the pate that Barbara serves Oliver and which she suggests was cooked from his dog, Barbara’s show of contempt using facial expressions and gestures, and the scenes where Barbara runs over Oliver’s sports car and destroys household items illustrates non-verbal communication. The proclamations of love by Oliver to Barbara on several occasions exemplify verbal communication. Indirect communication involving a third party is exemplified by the hiring of Gavin to act as the intermediary who tries to resolve the issues facing the two (DeVito, 1989).
Communication when a relationship is breaking down is as important as when couples are getting together. The film “The War of the Roses” best exemplifies this assertion. Gavin, who narrates the entire story, has realized the importance of communication when couples have decided to go their separate ways. His opinion is one that is informed by experience as the storyline of the movie shows. He advises that it is better for couples who want to break up to sit down and settle their differences amicably instead of resorting to long-drawn legal battles that may end up proving costly and embarrassing.
In the film, Oliver and his wife Barbara are the main characters. As they grow richer, their love grows colder. Both of them display poor communication skills, which is the factor that drives them apart. Poor communication skills on the part of Oliver are manifested by his inability to listen to his wife. His egocentric attitude and domineering persona equally get in the way of his communication and this makes him unable to get into communication with Barbara. Matters are also not helped by Barbara who assumes a contemptuous dislike towards her husband and develops an intense dislike against him. She also has an ego problem as she begins to behave this way after success comes the way of her husband. These attitudes are the obstacles that hinder them from communicating with each other. The domineering attitude of Oliver together with his bloated ego blinds him to believe that he is not at fault and he fails to figure out why his wife is showing him contempt and hatred. These attitudes prevent him from listening to his wife to understand her feelings and hence be able to comprehend the cause of her hatred and the source of the tension between them (DeVito, 1989).
The poor communication between the two is further manifested in the fight for the control of their house, as they cannot sit down to talk and agree on anything. Rather than engage each other, they instead choose to destroy their property just to spite each other. Whereas Oliver becomes subdued after some time and tries to reconcile with Barbara, she spites her and this makes matters even worse. She will not settle for anything and even when Oliver offers his outstretched hand and proclaims his love to her at the point of death, she strikes him using her last energy (DeVito, 1989).
The film suggests that communication between couples who are breaking up should be carried out in a spirit of openness and mutual respect. A give-and-take attitude also needs to be adopted. The main reason why Oliver and Barbara could not agree on anything has more to do with Barbara’s intransigence than it has to do with the egocentrism and domineering attitude of Oliver. Oliver’s love note and his reconciliation attempt are both contemptuously rebuffed. His sum of money intended for settlement is also refused. Even at the point of death, she shows nothing but contempt towards him (DeVito, 1989).One wonders what else he could have done to appease Barbara. Indirect communication may have helped in this case but it did not since Gavin who was acting as Oliver fired the mediator between the two after attempts by Barbara to seduce him so that he could support her. The film’s eternal theme is that breaking up is a stressful moment for all partners and if not handled properly can cause a lot of grief and misery. There is a tragic end to the film and this illustrates the point that poor communication between couples can lead to tragic consequences.
Conclusion
This paper looked at communication styles in the context of relationships that are being created and those that are getting broken. It was noted that communication is the glue that brings couples together and sustains them and that it can be either verbal or non-verbal. Poor communication during the breaking up of couples can result in tragic consequences.
References